How to Quit and Move Past it.

Once I decided I want to quit, I didn't wait another moment. I spent hours composing an email to my boss explaining how increasingly challenging it was for me to do my job and that my heart was no longer in it. The email itself was no longer than a paragraph, but it conveyed the message: I want out, and I want to do it in whatever way is best for the organization. I still cared deeply for the campaigns PIRG was running and I wanted to leave on good terms and would stay as long as it took for that to happen.

Need inspiration on whether or not to quit? Click here for the podcast that inspired me!


Apparently as long as it took was a day and a half. I finished my last day of work around 12:00 on a Wednesday and quickly proceeded to watch Inception, eat chocolate, and then watch more television. When I looked at the clock and realized it was already 6:00 and I did absolutely nothing I felt good. I felt release. I felt like I needed this day of unstructured nothingness.

I also felt like I needed to figure out how to make this a one time thing. One thing that I know is true about me (and quite a few others), is the more time I have the less I do with it. So, I would take my lessons from PIRG and make weekly plans each Thursday: set up 3 main goals for each week and then created a detailed plan of what I would do each minute of each day in order to accomplish these goals. And, to keep me accountable I would journal the following five things each night:

Today's Date
General Feelings
What did I do today?
What went wrong?
What went right?

So, for the 27 days between PIRG and my next full time gig, I have journal  entries that not only held me accountable throughout the process, but serve as a reminder of how to persist through what could have transformed into clinical depression and, instead, feel happy and free.

Sample from Day 0; January 3, 2017; my last day of work

General Feelings

Today was my last day of work with NJPIRG and I started off the day feeling ok about it. I did my work for about 4 hours, logged it, and continued job searching and talking to people who may want to sublet my apartment in between. It was weird talking to my coworker, and then with my boss. It was like she expected me to quit and was ok with it, which I guess is good? I got the closure I wanted, but suddenly it feels so closed. I closed a door today and I haven't yet figured out which one to open yet, and out of the ones I decide I want to open, how many of them will actually be open? I'm trapped in a room, surrounded by thousands of job doors that I know a little about. My resume can be the key to opening them, but then I'll have to wait for one to finally open, hoping it’s the right one. And I know one will open and it will be great. I do. But I'm nervous I'll open another PIRG door in the meantime by accident.

What did I do today?

Wrapped up at PIRG, networked with a family friend, and worked on my AMI (Allegheny Mountain Institute) Fellowship application. I created my plan for the week, created my social itinerary for the week, cried on the phone to Josh, watched some TV, and felt a new sense of resolve.

What went wrong?

Well, I didn't eat well at all. I also had a rule that I would only watch 1 hour of tv per day and today I watched 3 episodes of How To Get Away With Murder and Inception, which totals to like 5 hours. So I did 5 hours of TV, 4 hours of work (some with TV), 2 hours of planning, and 1 hour of job stuff. The most hours should not be on TV but I just couldn't help it…I'll do better tomorrow.

What went right?

Now instead of crying to Josh on the phone,
I'm laughing with him on hikes each weekend
I have a plan now and I am determined to follow it. I don't need to do everything at once because I have a step by step guide to what should get done when in addition to a will to follow it. I am resolved and I will have 2 part-time jobs and a full-time job of searching very soon.

And now looking back on Day 0, I still I have faith I will open the right door. I look back on what I set out for myself to accomplish that day and

  • That next week I started working part-time at M&J Frank and as an ACT tutor
  • I finished that AMI fellowship application and will start the fellowship in less than a week
  •  Most days I watched less TV, ate much better, and did physical therapy
  • Each week I made my 3 priorities plan and met or exceeded them each week
  • After 27 days I started my 2 month environmental ed internship 
  • I still constantly think about my time at PIRG; but the anxiety dreams have stopped, the depression is far gone, and I am mostly healed.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

All the Projects and Hobbies Galore

Image
Tomorrow is the day we've all been waiting for here at AMI. Capstone projects are due and we all are figuring out where we are going to be next year. Climbing apple trees with friends is also fun hobby Let me back up. So, basically, I'm in a fellowship where I live on a mountain and garden, cook, and enjoy nature pretty much 24/7. However, we also have the opportunity to do many projects including a Capstone, where we use what we are learning here to help the community. Capstone projects here are just a little different than they were back in college. Some people are fermenting herbal beers, one is mapping out hiking trails for future fellows, and another is creating a business plan for a Farm-To-Food Truck. I have loved being a part of such creative and innovative brainstorming here, both with the Capstone projects and in general. Here are some of the projects I have been a part of: 1) Preservation: During the work day, we have to preserve a lot of what we grow so
Read more

Summary of Me Since College

Image
Boyfriend and me on graduation day The day I graduated college I wrote the following message in my diary: "Today I graduated. College. Which means that I am 21 with a summer job, a future job, a boyfriend I am deeply in love with, and friends and family who love and support me. I am equipped with all the materials for the real world. And so for some weird reason, I feel ready. I feel like I don't want another year of college, like I am ready to actually get a job and not be a drain on society. That doesn't mean I'm not nostalgic. I have so many memories here, even moments of perfection.  In these moments: hiking through the Shenandoah valley, watching the stars above Lee Chapel, perching atop the rocks of Woods Creek, and running back campus and to Boxerwood with friends, I found perfection. However, I know the moments will keep coming after college and I am ready." Me in hospital room about a month later Now, about 9 months later I can
Read more

First Week at Allegheny Mountain Institute

Image
Allegheny mountain range might be my new favorite Currently I am sitting atop a mountain in Highland County, Virginia watching snow fall into the red and green leaved rolling hills beyond me. So since moving here last week, I'd say life has been pretty good. The main event of the week was probably our Permaculture Design Certificate (PDC) class. While I defined permaculture as "an intentional design to support and sustain the interconnectedness of life," its uses and applications in transforming land to edible, efficient landscapes spreads far and wide. So hopefully after a year my primitive definition will become much more inclusive. So stay tuned! Since the designs of permaculture permeate over all parts of life, we did many activities to understand ourselves and people around us. One thing I liked that we did was analyzing what we each give and get from each other, using the lenses of  head, hands, and heart. Now, coming straight from 4-H, where these are 3 of
Read more